Sharon Raydor Alphabet
by blueeyedjaclover
Summary: Just a series of drabbles about Sharon Raydor, set to songs following the alphabet. Will mostly include her thoughts, but also hints of Sharon/Andy, mama!Sharon/Rusty, and maybe others, I'll see what comes up in my mind. I'll try to update every day! Rated T, cause I might include some steamy scenes!
1. Chapter 1

So, I had this idea in my head for a while, and I decided to just do it! I love Sharon Raydor, so… Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this!

_All of me – John Legend_

It had been so long since a man had said those words to her and had actually meant it. Of course, her son said it when they said their goodbyes on the phone, and even Jack said it sometimes. But still, it had been so different when he said. He, Andrew Flynn, whom she had known since she finished police academy, and who had hated her for years and years, had told her he loved her. It hadn't meant anything to him, just a nice gesture after a tough case. But to her it felt like a milestone. A new beginning. A sign that in this crazy life there were actually people who cared about her other than her kids, and Rusty of course, although he was one of her kids too and could almost not be seen as different from that.

It was late that night, and the only ones left in the building were Andy and herself. She was finishing up her paperwork when there was a slight knock on the door. It had sounded almost apologizing, as if he didn't want to disturb her but didn't have a choice.

'_Come in lieutenant.' She said, looking up from her files just as Andy walked into her office. _

'_Can I help you with anything?' Andy looked her in her eyes as he shook his head. _

'_No, no, I was just about to head home and I wanted to see if you were okay.' _

'_Why wouldn't I be?' She'd asked, even though they both knew she had all reasons not to be okay._

'_Well, you had a tough ride today, this case must've brought back a lot of memories.' Sensing it was useless to lie, as he had already saw through her carefully build up disguise, she nodded. _

'_Yes, it did.'_

'_Not all good ones, I'm afraid?' His voice was tender, afraid to cross a line, but caring. His dark eyes seemed to burn into her green colored ones, and she turned away, smiling sadly while nodding. She looked down, thinking about what had happened that day. It made her remember what Jake was like when he was, well, when he was in a dark period of his life._

'_Sharon, you don't have to bottle up all of your feelings. I'm here if you need to talk.' She looked up again and smiled at his worried looks. She was about to say something, when he spoke again. _

'_I love you, Sharon. We all love you. Although we don't always show it enough, this whole team cares about you. You can't carry the world alone, you know.' She tried desperately to hold back the tears forming behind her eyes. She didn't want him to leave, she wanted him to keep talking but she didn't want him to see her crying either. She swallowed before nodding at him, smiling sadly. _

'_Thank you lieutenant, I really appreciate that.' Andy looked a little lost, standing there, having said what he wanted to say, but not sure what to do now. _

'_Well, good. I guess I see you tomorrow?'_

'_Yes, you will. Goodnight Andy.'_

'_Night Sharon.' She fell back in her chair, letting out her breath as she watched him leave her office, making his way out of the murder room towards the elevators._

The tears had come. A little while after he had left, she couldn't hold them back anymore and she had let them stream down her face. The silent falling of them over her cheeks had turn into quiet sobs as she thought about the fact that she had let him leave without telling him she loved him to. He was stubborn and annoying at times, but she cared so much about him. It wasn't until after the Nutcracker that she had realized that. She, a married woman, was in love with one of her subordinates. If it hadn't hurt so terribly, it had almost been funny. She dropped her head in her hands, trying to keep the sobs from being heard by anyone, even though she was the only one left in probably the entire building. She had no idea how long she'd been sitting there like that, when she felt a soft hand on her back.

'Sharon? Are you alright?' As soon as she heard Andy saying her name, she tried to wipe the tears from her face and looked up at him.

'I'm sorry captain, I didn't mean to…'

'No, Andy it's fine. I'm sorry.' Her voice cracked as she tried to hold back another sob.

'Hey, hey Sharon, calm down. What's going on.' His voice had turned softer and he sounded worried. He wrapped one arm around her waist and carefully pulled her off her chair and led her towards the couch, where he sat next to her. A string of hair had fallen in her face and he slowly put it back in his place. Never in his life had he seen her cry.

'Sharon, can you tell me what's going on? Is it because of what I said, because than I'm so sorry I didn't mean to…' He stopped as he saw tears were streaming down her face again.

'I'm so sorry, Sharon, I really am…'

'Stop it.' He looked at her, a little startled.

'Stop apologizing. It's been a really long time that anybody except my kids told me they love me and '

'Oh Sharon ' Andy said, cutting her off.'

'Please, Andy.' She looked at him, and even though her face was red from crying, and she looked like a lost little cat, she was still intimidating enough to make him shut up.

'And when you said it, it sounded like you meant it. And then I let you walk away without telling you that I love you too.' He looked up, into her beautiful green eyes.

'I love you too, Andy Flynn.' He grabbed her head and pulled her into a long kiss. At first she felt scared, but then she kissed him back. He had never expected her to be such a good kisser, although he fantasized about it enough. After a while they both slowly pulled back. He grinned, and she smiled shy.

'And then to think I only came back to pick up a file.' She playfully smacked his arm.

'Hey Sharon, you wanna go for a drink or something?'

'Andy Flynn, are you asking me on a date?'

'No, I never kiss girls on a first date.' He stood up and pulled her of the couch. His arm wrapped around her shoulder, they walked out of her office. How this would end? That's something they'd think about tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

**B**rave – Sara Bareilles

_I wonder what would happen if you _

_say, what you wanna say,_

_and let the words fall out._

_Honestly, I wanna see you be brave_

She had been called names before. The wicked witch, Darth Raydor, and the all too familiar bitch. She did care at first, crying herself to sleep that first year working FID. But later she hadn't cared anymore. Not at all actually. She would shrug, and turn away. When she started working at Major Crimes, it had cost her all she had to be accepted by the team. Eventually she had, and nothing had showed it more than today. While talking to an FBI agent in the Murder Room, things had, heated up a little bit.

'_Captain, with all due respect…'_

'_No sir, you're obviously not having any respect for me as you're not even letting me finish my sentences!' Her voice had sounded even harsher than it had during her FID days. Every member of the team had stopped what they were doing and were awkwardly staring at their captain and the FBI agent. _

'_If you send that suspect back on the streets, he will surely be killed by his gang members. I've seen it happen before.'_

'_Look ma'am, what you seem to find hard to understand is that this is NOT your investigation.'_

'_And what you not seem to understand is that you are risking the live of a material witness in a murder trial! Is that so hard for you to understand, agent?' The contempt in her voice was hard to miss. The agent's face turned darker and his eyes seemed to burn through hers, although she didn't seem to be impressed. _

'_Listen. I'm gonna do as I want, and I don't care if you agree with me, bitch.' _

'_Hey!' Flynn and Provenza had jumped from their seats, and Sanchez already stood between Sharon and the agent in case something might happen. _

'_Have some respect. As far as I can see, she's still a higher ranking officer than you are, and if you don't want to lose your job due to disrespecting your supervising officer, I would really watch your next words.' Provenza had stared the agent down, and at that moment agent Howard had walked in, having heard the entire thing. _

'_Ron, let's go talk somewhere, okay?' He said, leading the other man out of the murder room. Turning back to the captain, he said: _

'_Captain, I'm really sorry.' _

'_It's okay, agent Howard. I'm kinda used to it.' She smiled, but her eyes didn't join. She had not expected the agent to go so angry with her. She was clearly a little shaken up by it. As Howard left the room to see where his colleague was, Sharon turned to her team. _

'_Thank you, all of you. I really appreciated it.' _

'_You were right, captain. He had no right to address you that way.' Tao said, looking seriously. Amy Sykes nodded in agreement. _

'_Thank you, again. Now, go back to work. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me.' _

It was about an hour later, and she was reading a pile of files at her desk. She looked up, seeing her team working in the Murder Room. Her team. It had cost some time before she dared to call it that way. But, especially after today, she felt like she was accepted by every member of this team. Even Provenza. She smiled as she saw a little interaction between Sykes and Buzz, something about a laptop.

'Spying on your own team?' She quickly turned her face to the place the sound came from. Rusty made his way into her office and sat down on the couch.

'You're finished early.'

'Yeah, they let us go earlier because the weather was so hot, nobody could actually concentrate.' Sharon smiled, silently thanking God for air-conditioning in her office.

'So, I thought, maybe if you're finished working, we could go for lunch together?' She hesitated for a second, looking at the pile of paperwork on her desk, but then looked at Rusty's face. It looked so happy, but questioning at the same time. She couldn't care less about the paperwork at that moment, she'll do it later.

'You know Rusty, that sounds great. Where do you wanna go?' She said, already getting up and picking up her purse.

'You probably don't want to go for burgers, do you?'

'What do you think?' She said, raising one eyebrow.

'Okay, okay. I heard there was this new Italian restaurant, just a few blocks from here? You wanna check it out?'

'Sounds good to me. Let's go.' Together they walked out of her office, Rusty already telling her about something that had happened at school that day. She looked at her team, who were still working on a cold case, now that the FBI had stolen their case. Provenza caught her gaze. He nodded at her, with a barely noticeable smile. She nodded back, before turning back to Rusty to listen to his story.


	3. Chapter 3

Yeey, thanks for all your great reviews and follows! It means a lot to me, really! So, this is number three. I know the stories are all kinda sad, but that's gonna change in a little while, I promise! Hope you enjoy this one, tell me what you think!

_Comes and Goes – Greg Laswell_

'_You okay?' _

'_Yeah, I'm fine.' _

She was fine. But there's this thing about being fine. It always sounded good, even if it wasn't true. It was Rusty who had asked her that question. She had seemed of this morning, and she had barely even reacted when he spilled his drink all over the kitchen table. It later now, evening actually, and they were sitting in her living room. He was reading a book for school, and she was doing some paperwork. He studied her face. It looked concentrated, but also sad. Her face was paler than it usually was. Maybe she was getting sick, if that was even possible for her.

'You sure you're okay, you don't look fine.'

'Really, I am, Rusty, it's just been a long day.'

'Not longer than it usually is.' Sharon looked up from her paperwork.

'Rusty, I'm sorry, I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. Shouldn't you be going to bed anyway?'

'Seriously? It's not even ten pm yet!' She waved him off with her had, making it clear he was right and did not have to go yet. He continued reading, and she continued working. The silence between them, the following half hour was almost awkward.

'Well, I guess it's time to go to bed.' She looked up, smiling to him, but her mind looked distracted.

'That sounds like a great idea. Goodnight Rusty.'

'Night Sharon.' She focused back on her paperwork and he slowly walked out, watching her with every step he took.

As soon as she heard his bedroom door close, Sharon looked up from her paperwork. She took of her glasses and rubbed her temples. She had a headache, it had started this morning and it didn't seem to go away. She looked through her apartment. It looked different, although she knew for sure nothing had changed. Her eye fell on a photograph on the left side of her desk. It was a picture of her, her parents and her kids. She knew why she was feeling so terribly of today. She looked at her mother. She had tried to keep it to herself the whole day, but now she couldn't stop it anymore. Tears were streaming silently down her face. She held her hand against her mouth to keep the sobs from making sounds, but her shoulders were shaking uncontrollably.

'Sharon?' She sniffed and quickly wiped the tears from her face.

'Rusty, I thought you were already off to bed?'

'Yeah, I forgot my book.' He walked towards the couch where indeed, his book was laying. He looked up, his face shocked as he saw her red eyes, clearly from crying.

'Oh my god, have you been crying?'

'Rusty, it's nothing. Go back to bed.' But instead he walks towards her, and stops in front of her.

'Sharon, you're scaring me, what's going on?' She gets up, and walks past him to the couch, on which she sat down. Rusty walked after her and sat down next to her.

'Sharon, what happened?' She sighs, and looks up at him.

'Four years ago, my mother died of cancer. She was really sick. I never really think of it, but today, I don't know, today I did.'

'Sharon, I'm sorry, I had no idea.' She smiles at him, sadly, but encouraging.

'Do you miss her?' She nods.

'My mom and I had a great relationship, we were best friends. When I left Jake, my parents took me and my kids in. She was great with kids, she would've loved you.'

'You think so?'

'Yeah, I do. She would've bought you all this candy, and sweaters, and play chess with you until you yourself hadn't even liked it anymore.' Sharon nods, clearly deep in thoughts.

'She would do anything for the people she loved.'

'Sounds like a great woman.'

'She was.' Sharon stands up from the couch, sniffing, but a lot less upset than before.

'But now, it's time for you to go to bed.' She says, demanding him to stand up with a single movement of her hand.

'I know, I know, school tomorrow, I'm going already.' Rusty says, getting up of the couch and walking towards his room. While she's already back at her desk, she calls his name. He stops and turns around.

'Thank you, for listening.'

'Of course.' He smiles and walks away. It's a whole different side of his foster mom he saw tonight, but he was happy he did. She's always stronger than she looks like.

_and this part is for her, and this part is for her, this part is for her, does she remember?_

_It comes and goes in waves, I'm only left to wonder why, I try_


End file.
